Searching for Answers after Cancer

Cancer makes a person ask questions and search for answers they may not have ever thought of before facing such a situation. I remember, when I was 6, wondering if the angels were watching me go through the radiation treatments. They were, I believe. Perhaps my radiologist was such an angel, or the nurses and doctors who were there for me when the cancer came back a few years later. Life takes on a different meaning, a door opens that can never be closed, the wind even feels different as it blows gently around you, ever so appreciating it when it playfully kisses you on the cheek. The cancer experience made me search for meaning, healing and for God. Sometimes that search made me feel very much alive, like I was on a spiritual adventure, discovering unexplored worlds like Indian Jones or Captain Kirk.

Other times the search was so lonely it was nearly unbearable, making me feel like I was left alone in the Sahara Desert, with the sun of uncertainty beating down upon me with it's nihilistic heat and no compassionate shade or rejuvenating oasis around for miles. Every religion promotes the idea that the search for what is good, beautiful and true in this world is what makes life ultimately meaningful. For me, the cancer was both a curse and a blessing. A curse, because of the treatments, losing friends I met at the hospital & cancer camps, and like a ghost-always haunting me and feeding on the fear of the cancer coming back. A blessing, because without it I would not appreciate life and never would have found meaning, goodness, beauty, and befriended so many angels along the way.

Quotes about Searching for Answers and Spirituality: “Only when the lamp of search, of earnest striving, of longing desire, of passionate devotion, of fervid love, of rapture and ecstasy, is kindled within the seeker’s heart, and the breeze of His loving-kindness is wafted upon his soul, will the darkness of error be dispelled, the mists of doubts and misgivings be dissipated, and the lights of knowledge and certitude envelop his being.” – Baha’u’llah, The Book Of Certitude

“Without patience the wayfarer on this journey will reach nowhere and attain no goal. Nor should he ever be downhearted; if he strive for a hundred thousand years and yet fail to behold the beauty of the Friend, he should not falter……The true seeker hunteth naught but the object of his quest, and the lover hath no desire save union with his beloved. . . Labour is needed, if we are to seek Him; ardour is needed, if we are to drink of the honey of reunion with Him; and if we taste of this cup, we shall cast away the world….. On this journey the traveller abideth in every land and dwelleth in every region. In every face, he seeketh the beauty of the Friend; in every country he looketh for the Beloved. He joineth every company, and seeketh fellowship with every soul, that haply in some mind he may uncover the secret of the Friend, or in some face he may behold the beauty of the Loved One”. –Baha’ullah, in the mystical 4 Valleys & 7 Valleys

“God has given man the eye of investigation by which he may see and recognize truth. He has endowed man with ears that he may hear the message of reality and conferred upon him the gift of reason by which he may discover things for himself. This is his endowment and equipment for the investigation of reality. Man is not intended to see through the eyes of another, hear though another’s ears nor comprehend with another’s brain. Each creature has individual endowment, power and responsibility in the creative plan of God. Therefore, depend upon your own reason and judgment and adhere to the outcome of your own investigation.” - Abdu’l-Baha’

Link to the Baha'i faith: http://www.bahai.us/